AI Chatbot Companions II: What Parents Can DO

Have you read the recent news about AI (Artificial Intelligence) chatbot “friends” being accused of encouraging an Australian teen to commit suicide (he didn’t), of sexually harassing a student and of magnifying mental health issues in a young WA woman to the point where she required hospitalisation? These are just a few examples of this rising tech challenge (a blessing and a curse!) that the Australian government has no clear answer to yet.

But us parents can’t wait for legislation to help us reduce the risk around AI companions anyway - we have to keep our kids and teens mentally and physically healthy and safe today!

And don’t forget, we’re the number one influencers in our children’s and teens’ lives, so let’s get started straight away:

Step 1: Educate yourself. Understand what AI chatbots are all about and why they’re a risk to young people if left unguided. Read my previous post here.

Step 2: Step up as a parent. I’ll explain in this article, what you can do to keep your child/teen safe without overreacting or becoming too restrictive. Instead, we want to strengthen trust, connection and communication with them!

OK, I’ve done Step 1 and learnt about AI chatbot companions.

How do I start the conversation?

Depending on the age of your child/ren here are some guidelines:

1. Children under the age of 6: I wouldn’t recommend letting young children use any (e.g. voice driven) chatbots at all. Just like you wouldn’t let them watch an M-rated movie or try alcohol, the risks outweigh the benefits. Instead, propose an offline activity like puzzles, going outside, seeing friends, cooking, picture books, drawing, crafts etc. Even watching TV (ideally not YouTube though!) is far better than letting them be drawn into the chatbot trap at an age where the line between reality and virtual world is blurred very easily.
   

2. Primary school children (6-12): For this age-group it’s very important to learn how to make friends in the real world, so I wouldn’t recommend a virtual friend due to the negative impact on developing real-life social skills (see risk summary in previous post). However, if they show interest in having a chatbot friend, talk openly with them first. Start with curiosity and empathy – no interrogation, and no preaching as this could push your child “underground”. For example, you could start the conversation by acknowledging their attraction to this new technology, e.g. “I get that you’d like to try out this new chatbot friend app, that sounds really exciting!” and find out more about why they’d like to use it and what for. Maybe some of their friends are using it? If so, you could ask about their friends’ experiences. Then you could continue to explain the risks to them – and your concerns. Something like “As your mum, I’m responsible for your wellbeing. At the moment, the technology is too new and too unregulated for me to feel it’s safe to use for any child your age. From my point of view the risks outweigh the benefits, but why don’t we review this decision together in, say, 6 months’ time, once there has been more review of AI chatbot friends safety features?” If you do want to allow access, offer them to use a chatbot companion together with you, on your device and for specified times – it’s important you’re across the conversations they’re having and how much time they're spending with the bot.
   

3. Young teenagers 13-15: Start the conversation just like above. Be empathic, i.e. listen without judgment, be open and understanding. They might just be curious, or it might be deeper, like they feel lonely or bored and are hoping to overcome this by having a virtual friend. Don’t try to solve that with fabulous but unasked advice. Instead, explore WITH them what they could do about it in the real world. Talk with them about the risks of chatbot companions especially for younger teens. You’re responsible for their wellbeing, so it could still be a “no” for now (e.g. until they’re 15). Or you might decide together to try one out for e.g. 4 weeks, write down some clear usage rules and time limits and review how it’s going every 1-2 weeks. Note: the key here is to review regularly and not leave them to their own devices. Always make these talks a pleasurable event, e.g. go out for coffee/ice cream etc together on Saturday mornings.It’s harder when they already have their own smartphone, but if you set up basic parental controls, educate them and keep the dialogue open (regularly checking in!), you’re in a much better position to recognise or be told when things go wrong than when it’s a blanket NO and they do it secretly. Similar to things like drugs and alcohol.
   

   

4. Older teenagers 16-18: Same type of conversations as above, but it’s even more about education and creating an ongoing open dialogue than about trying to control their every move online. You can’t. But you can reassure them that they can always talk to you and that you (or another trusted adult) are there for them no matter what happens - even if they think they can’t or that it's all too late or too embarrassing. There will be no “I told you so!”. This is very, very important. I highly recommend doing a “trial” phase of chatbot friend use and catch up regularly (see 13-15 year group above) to see how they feel about it, whether there are any impacts on their social life, sleep, mood, school performance, stress levels etc. As above, make the “reviews” an event they look forward to. It’s key that you’re exploring this as a team, not as opponents!

Approaching the topic in an open, educated, down-to-earth way, without letting go of your responsibility and guidance, will encourage critical thinking in your kids. You’ll not only strengthen your connection with your children, but you also build trust. This combination is one of the most important aspects of keeping kids safe online and making them more resilient at the same time.

I hope this information has been useful on your way to more awareness and harmony around tech use in your family. Please contact me with any feedback or questions, I’d love to hear from you!

If you’re unsure of where to start or if you feel concerned about your child’s or teen’s usage of or attachment to AI bots, please feel free to give me a call - I’m always happy to help.

Till next time!

Much love,

Anke x