Why social media affects girls more than boys

Dearest parents,

My son (13) tells me that most of the girls in his class have a phone and are active on social media, mainly Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok. Many of the boys also have a phone but aren’t all that interested in those platforms (apart from TikTok and YouTube maybe). Why is this? [1]

I’ve been reading and researching a lot about the effects of smartphones and social media on children and teens lately, given we’re in the midst of a youth mental health crisis of unprecedented proportions. Finally, a lot of long-term research results are becoming available and more and more psychologists are presenting their findings. One such expert is Dr. Jonathan Haidt (author of “The anxious generation”), whose teaching some of the following is based on.

 

Why girls are more affected by social media:

1. In our western society, girls are traditionally more sensitive to visual comparisons and are still often judged by their looks. The social media platforms amplify this to the extreme offering filters, that make a girl look skinnier, sexier or prettier than she is in reality (and she knows this). This causes or increases a negative body image: you’re not OK as you are! Endless make-up routines, dieting advice, and influencer-driven beauty products lead to what’s called “socially prescribed perfectionism”: an unrealistic, unachievable level of beauty and fitness girls feel pressured to achieve. When I was young, it was distant movie stars looking that amazing but now it’s also the girls’ peers’ (fake) pictures that they constantly compare themselves to.
   

2. Girls express aggression by harming the relationships and reputation of other girls (whilst boys’ aggression is more physical, although that’s changing). Social media platforms provide endless ways to exert such relational aggression in often subtle but extremely effective ways. Cyberbullying has grown into a massive problem.
   

3. Girls are traditionally more likely to openly share problems with others and also be influenced by others, as they’re looking for connection and communion. Social media platforms make this very easy. Hence, girls are particularly vulnerable to bullying as well as being influenced by misinformation and bad advice on dealing with life’s issues (e.g. starving yourself, self-harm).
   

4. Sexual predation and harassment hits girls differently to boys. Girls are stalked and abused online (and subsequently often in real life). Girls are sent inappropriate pictures without being asked and get coerced into sexting (sending nude images of themselves) by boys they know or by strangers online. For these, access to girls is easy via social media and chats, with little or no accountability for their actions. Interesting fact: 50% of boys will send these pictures on (without consent), whilst only 10% of girls would do the same with a boy’s nude picture. [2]

Summary: 

The constant social comparison, in terms of (digitally enhanced) looks, popularity, and “amazingness” of everybody else around them can lead to feeling inadequate, lonely, anxious and depressed. Add to that bad but influential role models sharing their “best how-to recipes” for dealing with life's problems using self-harm, eating disorders and suicide (and how to hide it from parents and friends) and you’ve got a dangerous mix. Relational aggression, cyberbullying and sexual harassment are made easy by social media platforms and online chats. And it’s relentless. There is no escape as long as there is a phone in your girls' pocket.

So… of course, this is also true for us mums. Luckily most of us have grown up and developed our common sense and critical thinking before social media hit us. This is not the case for developing brains (up into the early twenties!). I explain this in my post “why kids/teens (and us!) get hooked to phones and social media”.

As parents, we need to be more aware what our kids are exposed to, be more proactive in protecting them, and be better role models ourselves. What our girls need is less social media, more time connecting with real people in real life (us and their friends), and more education about navigating the online world safely. And they need to know that we’ll still love and support them 100%, without judgment, no matter what happens to them or what they’ve done (e.g. when they’ve sent a nude to their BF/GF and suddenly realise it’s just been forwarded to someone else)…

I hope this information is helpful on your way to more awareness around tech use in your family. Please contact me with any feedback or questions, I’d love to help!

Till next time!

Much love,

Anke x

[1] Note: For ease of reading and clarity, I’m generalising “girls” and “boys” in this article. Of course, every young person is different, and the findings might only fit partially or not at all. The same applies to young people identifying as LGTBQIA2S+.

[2] Source: Kristi McVee, Director of CAPE – Child Abuse Prevention & Education Australia